good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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