a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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