i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
