I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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