people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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