I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
