Me too!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
