She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize