So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
