when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
