I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
