when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
