She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This baby is an asshole
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
