I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What happened to fro yo and sex?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
