so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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