my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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