Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
