put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
