I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
