im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
