If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
