I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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