Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
