She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
