Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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