and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
