I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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