Do you still have your period?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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