What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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