Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
