new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
