you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
