Don't you send me to vm
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
