Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
