wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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