I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
