me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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