I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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