I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
