I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
