please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
