just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
