do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
