is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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