I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize