Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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