oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's never too late to be topless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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