im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize