Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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