we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
