I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
