she was so not down for the gang bang
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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