We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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