my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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