Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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