I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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