onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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