is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
