I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
