Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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