Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize