You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
