Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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