so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
