smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize