I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
