I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
