the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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