babies were throwing up all over the place
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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