an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
