Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
