Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize