My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
