chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
