I just saw a hot homeless man
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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