I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
