so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
