Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
