if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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