i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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