Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
