I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
