you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
