Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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