New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
